Funny Stuff is all around

Archive for June 9th, 2008

That round flask you carry to work just might save your life - with the right liquid. There are drinks that give you beer bellies, and then there are drinks that help you live longer.

Tomato Juice: A glass a day will keep breast, prostate, colon, and lung cancers away. A good source of lycopenes, tomato juice will help reduce your cholesterol level and improve your immune system.

Blueberry Juice: Many a tipple makes a mickle - when it comes to blueberry juice. Believed to fight against cancer, heart disease, and Alzheimer’s, blueberry juice also helps prevent memory loss. At the same time, it can stimulate the growth of new brain cells, thereby preventing memory loss. Additionally, its anthocyanins oxygenate the skin, thus reducing lines and wrinkles.

Pomegranate Juice: Give prostate cancer a whack with a glassful of pomegranate juice. Studies show that the juice minimizes cell damage caused by prostate cancer, and even delays the return of the disease after surgery by as much as four years!

Cranberry Juice: Scientists think a glass or two of cranberry juice could actually be more effective than antibiotics in warding off urinary tract infections and the lethal E.coli bacteria. Compounds in the juice change the shape of the bacteria, making it safe to humans.

Coffee: Abundant in antioxidants, coffee can shield you from kidney stones and heart diseases. Of course, you don’t really need this information to finish off three to four cups a day; but hey, it doesn’t hurt either.

Red Wine: Not only is wine kind to your figure (after all, whoever heard of a wine belly?), it can also help reduce the possibility of lung cancer and heart diseases. The tannins in red wine help stop the production of endothelin-1, which is generally responsible for fat-clogged arteries. Moreover, the skin of red grapes contain resveratrol, which is believed to help suppress lung tumors.

Water: Believe it or not, drinking eight glasses a day of water prevents headaches, arthritis, constipation, and skin diseases. It keeps the joints and digestive system well-oiled and the skin well-hydrated.

Quite remarkably, you can drink any of the above just about any time, any day, and all you need is a flask. For this reason, flasks make cool gifts for men or unique groomsmen gifts. When you give a flask, you’re not just giving a present; you’re giving the gift of health.

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I think I am possibly the luckiest person in the world . The best girlfriend ever just gave me Arizona Cardinals! This is definitely the highlight of my entire week! In fact, I think this is the highlight for the entire month. I didn’t see how things could get any better . The poor girl has had to deal with me being crabby because of work lately . It started with one of my favorite co-workers telling me he was transferring to a different office. He was the only co-worker that I knew prior to working at this company . I could always count on him to help me with any work-related issue. His replacement is a jerk and I cannot seem to get a long with him . I try very hard to enjoy his company but I honestly cannot bring myself to do it . Another reason I just can’t seem to get along with him is that I have all of my work load as well as his until he gets the hang of things . What upsets me the most about this situation is that my girlfriend has to deal with me every night . All I can say is, my mood must have been pretty sour to earn the New York Yankees! With surprises as good as this one, it’s tempting to make it a habit.
I just had the best evening! I’m pretty exhausted right now. I have no regrets about buying those Los Angeles Dodgers after the night I just had. I really had a hard time justifying the price initially, but it was worth every penny to be able to see my crush’s reaction when I handed him the tickets. I told him he could have them under the condition that he take me along! This was a big chance for me because I don’t normally do stuff like this . We’ve been building a friendship for a long while and I didn’t know what his reaction would be. Anyways, things couldn’t have turned out any better. I was seriously shocked that he said yes immediately . I don’t know why, but I expected him to mull over it a bit. I was so relieved that he didn’t! Apparently he had a few things to give/show me as well . Throughout the game he let me know . I’ll get to talk about all of this more tomorrow. It is hard to write without wanting to give every miniscule of the conversation and currently I am way too excited to think about writing . Right now I really just want to enjoy being on cloud nine while the feeling lasts!
I am quite possibly a genius . I decided to give my boyfriend the best surprise ever of New York Yankees!What makes this a great surprise is that we don’t have anything special to celebrate so he will not be expecting such a surprise . I’ve been saving up some money for awhile and I think I want to spring for some really nice seats. He doesn’t have a lot of money, so I know that he would never purchase these tickets . He is constantly talking about that team and he’s actually never been to a game before. I’ve never been to a game either, so I just think it would be an extra special thing to experience together for the first time.

Being a punter seems to be an inherent trait in all human beings. After all, life is a series of gambles filled with choices that we must act upon sooner or later, consciously and subconsciously. And herein lies the crux of the matter.

We are given free will. As such, the cliche about man being the master of his destiny is true, and this similarly applies to being the masters of our gambling life. Control your gambling lest you find yourself being controlled by it. Here are tips that will help you do so.

First, determine a gambling budget. This simply means setting aside a definite amount of money as your gambling money for the day. It can be as little as $10 or as high as $1,000, depending on your financial ability at the moment. Then stick to your gambling budget. Even if bigger sport bets could give you bigger winnings, remember that bigger sport bets could lead to bigger losses, too. In gambling, it always works both ways.

Second, treat non-cash gambling items like tokens and free casino bets as real money. And indeed they are your money! You buy the tokens with real money and you get free casino bets when you use real money to purchase items from the casino’s establishments. Definitely not with paper money, right? Remember this every time you place your gambling money together with any free poker bets on the poker table, and you can fight the urge to feed tokens and chips to slot machines and tables indiscriminately.

Third, follow your normal physiological rhythm. Do not ever get into the delusion that if casinos employees can operate 24/7, so can you. They do work in shifts, which contributes to the 24/7 operation. Your body simply cannot and will not allow you to gamble in this way. Unless you are on some kind of mind-altering drug.

This brings me to the fourth tip. Never allow yourself to succumb to the temptation of drugs and alcohol in gambling. The mind-altering effects are enough to make you reckless and careless, which will lead down the path of Loserville. Even the great minds of gambling, Stu Ungar comes to mind first, have been beaten by drugs and alcohol. Do not expect to be the first to successfully combine gambling, drugs, and alcohol, either.

Fifth, determine limits on winnings and losses. And like your gambling budget, stick to it! Do not be lured by the promise of greater money because you are on a roll, but do not also be discouraged by losses because you are on a streak. Just stick to the plan and you can emerge none the worse for wear.

These tips are just that - tips. Ultimately, you will be the one who will decide on the level of control you desire to have on your gambling habits. Just use common sense and good judgment and you will be the master of yourself.

You’ve heard of free poker bets, and you wonder if there’s any truth to them. After all, there’s no such thing as a free lunch, so why should there be free bets? Elementary, dear Watsons. Online casinos bestow free casino bets as a marketing strategy, giving these away to those who sign up, bring in new members to the site, or recharge their bankrolls regularly. From an economic vantage point, this makes sound business sense. By giving freebies to new and loyal customers, the casino strengthens its player base, motivating newbies to learn the ropes and at the same time, inspiring loyal customers to keep giving the tables more love. Credit card companies bestow credit points; casinos give away free bets. Big-name online casinos even coat thicker icing on the cake and reward loyal customers with cruise trips, hotel vouchers, and the granddaddy of incentives - a car.

The Works

This is how free bets work. After you have registered and placed your initial deposit or after you have recharged your bankroll, the casino credits complimentary bets to your account. Credit amounts vary; and believe it or not, some casinos actually match your bankroll. If you put up $60, they will give you free bets worth $60, easily doubling your playing money! Free casino bets typically may be anywhere from $100 and $250 to $900.

Free Betting Fun

What makes free bets wonderful? For one, they give you access to the gaming tables without having to shell out real money. Additionally, with free bets, you can get the hang of the basic moves, experiment with hands, and learn bet-raise strategies without seriously harming your finances. In other words, with complimentary bets, you can make a guinea pig of your bankroll and not wince over each loss.

Online casinos offer a wide range of table games to novices and pros alike. Three Card Poker, European Black Jack, Craps, Euro Roulette, Baccarat, Black Jack - you name it, they have it. And, whether you’re in Sydney or in a little shanty in Africa, you can sign up and play right away in different currencies, using web-based cash accounts and credit cards.

Support - A Dial Away

Poker is no rocket science, and poker players are no scientists. Along with free bets upon sign-up or replenishment of the bankroll, online casinos also provide players with 24/7 customer and technical support accessible via phone, chat, or email. So, the next time your software plays tricks on you, all you have to do is pick the phone up. Support staff will walk you through solutions, and maybe help you understand why you feel a kinship to flowers and chicken, too - if you’re lucky.

Is poker a game of skill or luck? It’s hard to decide. Luck and cards have always walked hand in hand, from the placing of sport bets in today’s technology-driven times to the dealing of hands back in the days when gamblers played with their backs to the wall and their Colts by their sides in old western towns named Tombstone and Dodge City. Whether on a riverboat atop the Mississippi, or in the smoky premises of a mining camp pub, all it takes is one draw - one lucky draw- to turn a broken man into a winner. For this reason, card players from days of yore and well into the present do not scoff at luck and its amazing ability to change the odds of the game.

Dogs, Decks, and Misfortune

Experts theorize these superstitions exist mainly because of cards’ long-standing connection to gambling and fortune-telling, two practices that involve a lot of mystery and mysticism. In the old days, coalminers and fisherfolk do not carry cards or play them at work, believing that this invites shipwreck or mine collapse. Dogs were not allowed inside a room during play because they were regarded as witches’ hex the outcome of the match.

Fortunate Are the Filthy

Throughout the years and despite the many changes to the names, rules, and structures of the game, this fervent belief in lady luck persists. For instance, some players think certain activities entice bad luck - from crossing the legs thought to cross out luck to accidentally dropping one’s cards and even sitting against the grain of a poker table! Other activities, contrastingly, are identified as propitious. Red, for starters, is deemed the color of luck, and players wear it in the hope of turning the odds of the game into their favor. Others harbor the notion that dirty clothing shoos away bad luck; consequently, they show up for games in grubby shirts and stinky jeans. There are also those who throw candies, chocolates, and marbles on the casino floor, convinced that these items ward off misfortune.

Luck and Las Vegas

Surprisingly, casinos are very tolerant of these eccentricities. As a matter of fact, many go out of their way to respect the superstitions of patrons. In 1998, major renovations were undertaken by the MGM Grand Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas to please Asian customers who are certain walking through a lion’s mouth is unlucky. MGM’s entryway, at the time, was shaped like a lion’s mouth.

So, is poker a game of luck or skill? It’s still impossible to tell. While the best player still dominates the game, a poor beginner occasionally gets lucky and rakes in big bucks. So why leave anything to chance when you place your free casino bets? Wear your smelliest, most putrid boxer shorts while making use of your free poker bets online. You never know — stink must draw luck like a magnet.

Playing poker on the Internet is just like playing at your much-loved casino. You get to wager your money and get the chance to double it or lose it completely. Everyone knows that betting is largely based on how you handle your cards and, of course, luck. But risking your money is not a good idea. Gambling requires a lot of focus and deliberation before you deal your cards.

One good thing about online poker is the existence of free bets. Free bets are given to you once you’ve registered to on an online poker site. You can utilize your free bet and join a game online without risking losing your own money in the game. The amount of free poker bets that will be given to you upon registration will depend on the conditions of the poker site. But with most of the sites, the amount will match your primary deposit to your account.

Make Good With Free Bets

How you use your free bets will be up to you. But keep in mind that your free bets cannot be changed into cash. They can be used up only for bets. Free bets are an excellent way to double your gaming account. If you have a preliminary deposit of $20 to your account, with the free bet, you would have a sum of $40 on your account. If you did good on your free bet, you get to keep your spoils.

Some free bets are awarded after you have gambled a certain amount of your personal money, while others give monthly or weekly free bets to their loyal clientele. It is better to take advantage of these offers to increase the value of your account. Before you sign up to a site, look into their stipulations concerning free bets. So essentially, free bets are just like your free casino bets, wherein casinos award free bets to their loyal clients.

Search For Better Offers

With the vast number of online pokers sites on the Internet, there are a lot of brilliant offers to first timers on online poker. Because of the stiff competition to acquire customers, poker sites are constantly coming up with improved offers to top what the others have. This will work to your benefit, as you are the one who gets to choose which site you want to join. Pick the one that offers the better services and the ones with the more amount of free bets offered.

You might not have imagined it possible, but there is such a thing as “the right way to gamble”. And this guideline works on the principle of “learning from other people’s errors.” The following are gambling tips based on mistakes that are repeatedly done by people who lose.

Mistake No. 1 - No Loss Limit

If you head to the casino lacking a practical bankroll limit, you can be sure to lose big time. Leave your check books at home and just play with whatever your wallet permits you, and when you find that you have gambled your money away, just stop betting. Don’t try to borrow cash from your friends to continue betting. If anything, a good gambler knows he should never run after his cash.

Setting loss limits also apply to online casinos. Don’t bet more than what you can afford to lose. Internet gaming sites usually give clients a free bet or two, so if you have already run over your bankroll, just utilize your free poker bets or free casino bets.

Mistake No. 2 - Being Clueless About the Game

You should always know the type of gambling you are betting on. Make sure you understand how the game operates. This way, you do not end up making blind bets.

Not knowing how a game goes or how to play is one of the fastest way to lose your cash. So master how the game works and practice before you start gambling for real.

Mistake No. 3 - Getting Distracted

Not setting your sights on winning is a good way to avoid frustrations. But if you really are hard-pressed on winning, then you should keep away from any form of distraction. While you cannot control your luck, you can at least control your environment.

Sure, it’s fun to drink and flirt around with gorgeous girls at the casino, but these won’t help you if you intend on raking in the cash. So drink moderately; if possible, drink nothing. It’s okay to mingle with the crowd while playing, so long as you are still able to focus on the game.

Mistake No. 4 - Gambling at the Wrong Place

Not all games are created equal - this goes for casinos, too. Some casinos give a higher pay-out in a certain game than others do. So if you prefer playing the roulette, check out the roulette payouts in different casinos before you head out for a night of betting. The same goes for Internet gaming sites.

The best things in life are free, and this is particularly true in the wonderful world of online casinos where there are freebies aplenty - enough to get ‘em coupon-clipping housewives a run for their money. So what’s in it for you? Well, you’ll be pleased at the multitude of tangible benefits you’ll be reaping by simply registering and playing until you drop.

First, online casinos offer you the opportunity to play any game that your heart desires without having to leave the comforts of your own home. This means that you basically get free transportation to the glitz, glamor, and excitement of a casino without getting up from your chair. Okay, technically, you will be using Internet access that you’ll be paying for.However, compare that to the hundreds - if not thousands - of dollars you’ll be spending on a plane ticket to Las Vegas or Atlantic City, it’s peanuts. It’s as free a ride as any, and one that you just can’t resist.

Second, going along the same lines of not having to leave your house to play, you get free accommodation. Why shouldn’t you? It’s your house after all, and you can stay as long as you want without spending money on hotel rooms. This is basically money you can add to your bankroll to enjoy more hours playing your favorite games of chance. Why, you don’t even need to spend money on room service, mini bars, or pricey restaurants! You simply have to walk over to your own refrigerator and fix yourself a sandwich.

Lastly, online casinos are very lavish when it comes to free casino bets. Of course, this is a rather shameless marketing ploy to entice more customers to the site, but why complain when you only stand to benefit? You start getting these bonus bets the minute you register and other such milestones like adding credits to your bankroll, referring a friend or two, and even just by playing constantly. Indeed, the ultimate freebie is when you take home a huge pot on a full house using only the always coveted pocket aces and the even more coveted free poker bets. That’s absolutely priceless.

So you see, online casino freebies aren’t limited to many a free bet. You just need to know where to look.

They say the best things in life are free. But when you really think about it, there are very few things in this world that are truly free in the truest sense of the word. Think about it. You’ve heard of ‘buy one, get one free’ deals. You only ever get the freebie if you purchase the ‘one’ referred to in the first place. It’s still a great deal because essentially, you’ll only be paying around half the price. But still, the catch is present. It’s the same with the free bets offered by online casinos. There’s always a catch. After all, in this day and age, a free lunch is virtually non-existent. Unless, of course, somebody buys you lunch, but that’s very much beside the point.

So what’s the catch with ‘em free Casino Bets that are all the rage among Internet junkies with gambling problems nowadays? For starters, they’re only free and yours for the taking if you spend some money on the online casino in question in the first place. It’s essentially the same principle as a ‘buy one, get one free’ offer. Citing for example the best of the best online casinos (not to mention the most generous), depositing $30 into your bankroll will subsequently earn you another $30 in bonus bets ‘matched’ by the casino in question. Of course, the figure is often way lesser than this, but this is just for purposes of discussion.

Another catch is that free bets are non-convertible to cash. Using the same example to illustrate, of the $60 in your bankroll (your initial deposit of $30, plus the $30 the generous casino people gave you out of the goodness of their own hearts), you can only ever withdraw your initial $30 (or what’s left of it) in cash.

So what good are these bonus bets for you then? It’s quite simple. Why, you can use it to fund your bets! Say, you’re in a rather heated game of Texas Hold’em. The guy on your right just called a bet of $10. You have an excellent hand, and you’re confident of taking home the pot, so you raise the bet to $30 - using your free Poker Bets. Chances are the whole table will fold, making the pot yours.

The good news is because you won that pot fair and square, regardless if you were using your own deposit or your cache of free bets, you can do whatever you want with the money. Use it to fund your next game, or encash it - the choice is yours. That, in itself, is the beauty of bonus bets.

If you think handicapping means mauling that prick who stole your parking slot yesterday, then you are obviously a newbie to the horse racing system. With horse racing as in any other sport and game, handicapping means assigning advantage to equalize the chances of winning. Its core principle is putting a more seasoned player at a disadvantage to make it likely for a less experienced player to participate, perhaps even win - all the while maintaining fair play and credible horse racing results.

Impeded by an Impost

One handicapper in horse racing is the impost. No, it is not a club you use to beat the strongest horse up. Rather, it is the weight that a horse must carry during the race. Horses carry lead weights as a form of handicap. A racing secretary assigns these riding weights based on certain considerations, such as performance and track distance. Jockeys utilize lead pads - or saddle pads with pockets - to hold the lead weights. To guarantee that no horse is unfairly burdened, the racing secretary considers the jockey’s weight in giving a horse its assigned impost.

On Fool Throttle

Here’s a little known horse racing tip. As a rule of thumb, three pounds of extra weight translate to a length in a mile-long race. It is perhaps this handicapping equation that prompted Tom Fool’s trainer to compare the horse to Atlas. Like Atlas, Tom Fool is constantly being made to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. In the Metropolitan Handicap, he carried a staggering 130 pounds - all 108 pounds of his jockey and 22 pounds of lead and equipment. In the Suburban Handicap, he shouldered 128 pounds. In the Carter Handicap, the load was jacked up to 135 pounds. In all three races, he gave away advantages ranging from 20 to 40 pounds. This figure is nothing short of astounding; it means Tom Fool’s competitors had between six to 13 miles on him!

A Legend on Four Legs

What makes Tom Fool’s victories even more amazing is that as a three-year-old, he had been very sickly. In fact, he never got around to running in the Kentucky Derby because he was constantly ailing. He broke many fans’ hearts when he finished second in the Wood Memorial Stakes. It was discovered, later on, however, that the horse had raced even with high fever - a fever which eventually caused him to stop racing for more than two months.

As a legend, Tom Fool exemplifies what many handicapped people have always known to be true: a handicap is a stumbling block only to the extent that you let it. Ultimately, there is nothing stronger or heavier than the will of a champion - not a jockey’s pounds and not added riding weights.